Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Where Have I Been?

It's a good question, right? This blog has been down since the end of Imaginary Friends, and even before that, it had turned into more of a one-system creative writing journal and less of a narrative of my days. There are good reasons for that. For starters, The US Book, my fifth novel/first book of poetry, required a lot of attention. That attention happened to be of the "shattering my life and confronting my own cowardice" variety. There was simply no way to outline what I knew in the disciplined structures I was committed to while lying to myself.


The Puzzlebox Collective is still somewhat new to me, and I don't want to write a tortured literary essay attempting to put something into words that I have always sensed but never had the chance to know until recently. Opening up to myself and allowing the Collective to function in its strongest form means releasing control over things that most people don't realize they consciously control. I wrote a lot about that.

The process also forced transition on me. As I already said, there was no way to lie to myself while executing The US Book. The cognitive processes that built it and that allowed me to think directly into those words also prevented me from spinning bullshit or making excuses. I will be the first to admit that they also made me intolerant of other people doing so, because those clouds of useless word vapor were cognitively inaccessible to me when I tried to decode them and painful to sit through because of it. I am pretty sure that I will never be able to go back to the old conditioning, but my ability to communicate when I can't understand someone has expanded to the point where I can usually avoid calling their words vapor to their faces. It was touch and go for a while there, though.

While I was working through the finishing touches on that project, I also wound up in a declining health situation that eventually led to my confirmed diagnosis for EDS, hypermobility, as well as for fibromyalgia. I'm doing better now, but there were a couple months where just working enough to keep the lights on was hard, and if I had not just had the best year of my life income-wise, I would probably not be recovering now, I would probably still be spiralling. Economic access saved me, and in any other year it would not have. That, too, has changed my ability to listen to word vapor.

I'm not looking to get Shaping Clay on its feet again. In fact, the blog network I announced just before my crash is still on the radar. Once I have my new blog set up on it, I will announce the title and begin blogging there, where I will be able to have ad support and where eventually, other writers will join me to build the first all ND-written ND-centered news hub. In the meantime, I have decided that I'm going to start getting back into the practice of this kind of communication. My head will no longer flow when I ask it to because Athena and Lynn have stopped cooperating with one another in the way they need to for that to be possible. What tendrils of rhythm persist find their ways into the prose you read here.

I write everything in a single flow now. That makes a difference.

We'll talk again when I'm ready to tell you about some of the new projects I will be doing. Until then, just know that I didn't disappear. I cocooned. Pic description: A timeline of my transition, with a minimum of two shots of each front. I leave decoding them as an exercise to the audience, but when you think you know, please fill out better image descriptions in the comments.

The US Book is available at Amazon or at the Autonomous Press Direct Store.